Eyebrows on FLOP!!!

What is it with some humans and shaving off their entire eyebrows and then penciling or tattooing it back on? In the past I would have directed my question to women only, but in recent times I have noticed a few men committing this act  as well. I know and understand that  it is a free world. I am even of the opinion that people can and should  do whatever rocks their boat. After all its their life, their body, their eyebrows, not mine! However, I would still like to understand why anyone would shave off their entire eyebrows  and then spend so much time drawing up something that resembles the brows of an Egyptian Mummy, the Nike sign, the subtraction /minus sign or the wings of an eagle!  Isn't it just weird that you take the time to shave it all off till it's as smooth as a baby's bum, and then spend hours trying to create the illusion that you actually do have eyebrows?!! You can tweeze, thread, tweak, reduce,reshape, reconstruct and just generally groom your brows to make them look better. , but shaving it all off and putting this ^ ^ in place is outrageous! ....when you see a reflection of yourself in the mirror before (and even after!) you draw up your brows, don't you get startled? Because it sure is a scary look! I once met a woman who shaved all her eyebrow and then drew a bright red arch in the place of her brows. I was in shock as I have never met any human with red eyebrows. Ah well... Maybe she was from another planet. You never know! As I stated earlier, whatever rocks your boat.  I am still left wondering though, why take it all off in the first place, if you still have to spend so much time 'painting' it back on??? 

Hush Hush! Do not tell. Do not spill.

In the  past few days, social media platforms have been abuzz with controversy. Spilled secrets. Allegations. Counter allegations. She said. She did. She slept with. They slept with. The child doesn't belong to... Etcetera etcetera. A controversy that involves two friends Abike and Jibike. A friendship formerly sweeter than cheese cake and apple pie now tasting like a combination of bile and Aloevera extract. The whole fight seems very childlike to me. Last time I witnessed such secret spilling drama was in primary school when Tolu told Dahlia she liked Donald, Obinna and Lekan and told Dahlia not to tell anyone. But Dahlia also had a crush on Donald so she got jealous and told everyone. They all started calling Tolu 'spoilt girl'. Tolu didn't return to school the next term 😥. A secret is anything not meant to be known, heard or seen by others. Secrets are strictly confidential, classified, unrevealed, under wraps, , off the record and absolutely private. In my opinion, they must remain untold and uncommunicated. That secret you do not want anyone to know , do not tell it to anyone! "If this comes out, people will make me a butt of their jokes and mock me".  don't tell anyone! The secret getting out will cause mass destruction, don't tell anyone! "If this secret comes out, I will consider suicide!" Then don't bleeding tell anyone! Simple! Don't even write it in your diary! Bury it. Pretend it never happened and stay in denial. Develop 'selective amnesia' and try to forget it (forgetfulness like ignorance is sometimes  bliss!). Tell it to your dog or any pets you keep. You believe in a supreme being? Then tell it to Him. Just don't you dare tell it to any human. Spilled secrets turn to world wide gossip, faster than the speed of light. For your own sanity, take it to your grave! In life, some people continually try to put two and two together, trying to figure out what's happening  in your life, so why give it to them on a platter of gold, by giving them first hand information. Why???
And you dear Ms secret revealer, But why??? Why do you have to reveal secrets that your 'friend' told you. It might have been naive of her to have trusted you 100% to tell you her secret but it is insensitive, crass, nefarious, barbaric and absolutely mean for you to tell her secrets to another. It's immaterial if you are no longer friends . I understand that sometimes it takes too much to protect secrets. However, it’s a good thing that someone considers you a confidant and worthy enough to keep their secrets safe. Pat your back, put a smile on your face,  count your blessings and kindly shut the heck up! Secrets are not to be disclosed. Secrets are not for publication or circulation. Yet again, shut the heck up!!!
To people who trust others 100+% enough to tell them their deepest secrets, as a human being, aren't there things that you do sometimes that make you ponder, ask yourself questions and even distrust yourself - "I can't believe I just did that!" Did I just do that?" "That's so unlike me!". Yet you trust another so much you tell them something very private and believe so much that they will never say? The very moment you have second thoughts about saying something, do not say it! "should I tell?". "maybe I shouldn't". "I trust her, let me just...". If it's so important that you have to ponder and think deeply about saying, then don't say it! Avoid the paranoia that comes with telling someone your secret. Once you spill, you start thinking anyone who looks at you 'somehow',  knows your secret and is definitely thinking 'I know what you did last summer'. Save yourself the torture. Say nothing to no one. Keep your secret exactly what it is , a SECRET! C'est fini.

I AM THE DUCHESS.

Chronicles....... And she went cuckoo!

She's had pretty long day. Thankfully she didn't have to spend hours in traffic. She heads home, takes a shower and sleeps off while watching TV without eating her supper. She wakes up startled, with her heart pounding very fast. she tries to get up and a voice from the TV starts laughing at her and calling her 'Eve'. She starts to get scared. Attempts to turn off the TV but the voice tells her she will be electrocuted if she dares. She gets even more scared. Then it starts to rain. The voice tells her mockingly "you were asked to build an Ark for you and the aminals, but you refused,now you are going to drown! ". She starts to plead with the voice. Her heartbeat even louder now. She gets up and runs out of her room the voice follows laughing hysterically at her. She runs into her bathroom and turns on the shower. The shower was pouring out in torrents! About to drown her! She runs out of the bathroom back into her room. Kneels in front of the TV begging for forgiveness. The voice from the TV tells her 'get ready to meet your creator ". She begins to cry profusely but her tears seem to be pouring out more than normal ,about to drown her too!??  She sits on her dressing table looks in the mirror and sees darkness behind her. Her bedroom wall seemed to have collapsed. Her room was empty all she saw was darkness. She has never been this scared in her life. Ironically, she felt like she had the strength of a thousand men. She kept thinking to herself " if only I could see the voice, I would break his bones into a thousand pieces and build an Ark from it". She runs out of her room yet again and into the kitchen and pours herself a glass of water. As she begins guzzling the water, she starts to feel  like she's choking! "Water is trying to kill me. I mustn't go near water, I mustn't touch water. That's my punishment for not building an ark". It continued to rain heavily . She knew her time had come. She will certainly die by flood. She decides to have her last meal. As she walks towards the fridge, she can't feel her legs. She knows she's moving but she can't feel her legs! "I'm flying" she screamed! "I need to eat my last meal before I fly away". she screamed at no one and nothing. She opens the fridge  and grabs the freshly squeezed orange juice she had extracted that morning before she went out. Pours some cereal into the orange juice, adds some raisins, sprinkles some garri and throws in a few pieces of fried meat. As she begins to shove her freshly made 'gourmet😈' food in her mouth, she couldn't feel her fingers holding the spoon. Her fingers felt totally numb. But she continued to gobble. A quarter of her 'last supper'  pouring out from the sides of her mouth and unto the floor. Suddenly, she thought to herself, I need to perfect the 'whip nae nae'. So she dropped her bowl of concoction and sang out rather loudly "do the skanky leg, do the skanky leg". She felt like she was dancing in the air. Only then did she realise she was totally naked. Then she heard the voice from the TV laughing out and it said "look at you! You have gone crazy! I don't need to be friends with people like you. Next time Eve, when you are told not to eat from a certain tree do not eat it! I'm outta here!". She was confused "I thought you were angry about my disobedience to build an Ark, why are you talking about the fruit I ate since the beginning of creation now? " but the voice was gone. Suddenly she felt tired. Her heart stopped racing fast. She could feel her legs and fingers again! The rains had stopped she wasn't gonna die by flood afterall! She drank some water and didn't feel like she was choking. Yayyy!!! She was ecstatic but she still felt very afraid. She ran back to her room everything seemed  normal. She turns off  the TV in fear. Fear that she might still be electrocuted, even though she was seated on her bed and had used the remote control. No sparks from the TV. No electrocution. She jumps down from her bed, does the running man and screams rather too loudly "Cheers to life!".  She hurriedly went under the duvet and waited. Waited to see if she would hear the voice . but nothing. The voice was gone. . Then it hit her. There was no voice! You had only been 'jonzing'!.... About an hour before the voice and all the madness, she had stopped by at a friend of hers, who was a smoker. A weed(Marijuana) smoker. She wasn't a smoker and she only drank alcohol at special occasions. She just wasn't interested in anything that might make her 'high' and probably lead her to act out of place. But for some reason she grabbed a bit of weed from his stash, and chewed it all up! It tasted horrible! Nothing happened after she ate the Marijuana, so she thought to herself "this doesn't even give the buzz you get from alcohol,so why all the noise about it?!  Oh! Maybe you only get the buzz when you smoke it. Well I don't smoke. I don't even know how they wrap this thing. But it sure does taste horrible". An hour later, the madness began. From that day onwards, she began to view weed smokers as super human. She still wonders how a plant that causes such extreme hallucinations and made her go mad for heaven knows how many hours can make anyone feel 'IRIE'!? How on earth do they feel OK feeling that way???? Anyway she wishes everyone well, as she believes people should live and let live. Afterall,  to each his own. Innit? From her to you all-    I and I  is Jah's creation! Braap!!!!!
The End. 

I AM THE DUCHESS.

I escaped death yet again!!!

I woke up on a certain day in June  of 2012 with watery eyes, some sort of pressure at the corner of my right eye, a blurred vision and sharp pain in my right eye. I checked it out in the bathroom mirror and it didn't look red/inflamed. I mentioned it to my Mr and he joking said my eye pain is most definitely caused by too much snooping.  I just put it off,after all I used to wear medicated glasses as a young child. Maybe I need to  go see an optician and get another pair of glasses. Two days later, I woke up and could not even look out the window. Looking at bright  light brought discomfort, so I decided to wait till evening and go see an optomologist. Evening came and I decided to  stretch my muscles  and take the 30 minutes  walk to the hospital. I told the nurse I would like to see an optomologist and she seemed not to be in a every good mood (are they ever in a good mood? ).  She murmured "optomologist and you are coming this evening!". I explained to her that bright light was causing my eyes to hurt greatly, that's why I decided to come in the evening. She asked me to go and wait because,  they were other patients there before me. I sat for almost an hour. I kept wondering if the other patients were all waiting to see an optomologist too?why can't she just direct me to the optomologist's office! I walked back to her and asked her when and if I would actually be able to see the optomologist that evening. She answered "Maybe! Sit down let me check your vital signs first". I was pondering "vital signs to see an optomologist!? OK just do and send me to his office"  she checked my blood pressure and had a confused look on her face. Then she checked again and scribbled down something,  stands up and suddenly becomes very nice.  "Madam please relax. Be comfortable. I'll be back". She left and returned with an elderly woman that had CHIEF MATRON tagged on her dress in tow, and yet another  sphygmamometer. The Matron checks my blood pressure with the new  sphygmamometer and gave me a look that simply said "rest in peace". "Are you here with anyone? "" Are you feeling headaches?". "Are you pregnant?". "Are you having nose bleeds? "."Have you been experiencing palpitations?".  "Do you feel weak? ". She questioned.. . " No! I feel perfect. I only took a stroll down here to see an optomologist! ".  I was confused. na wa o! All these plenty questions on top eye pain?!!! Then she gave me the shocker. " You took a stroll down here! Madam your blood pressure is 200/165. From this very moment, you are on admission. Better call home." "whattttttt! 200 over what!??? But I feel well. I have never felt more alive! It's just my eyes!" please find her a bed space the chief Matron bellowed at the nurse. ". Then I remembered my first pregnancy. I had to have an emergency C-section. I was battling pre-eclampsia and my blood pressure was  reading  260/220 ( I swear down)! I felt perfect. I was energetic. I had no headaches. No symptoms whatsoever! One gynecologist was surprised  that I wasn't having convulsions. I didn't even feel  'tired'  like  must women who are 8 months pregnant would feel, yet I was dying! The Matron went to get a consultant and he started asking me questions about myself, family history etc. They wouldn't let me get up. They even threatened to seize my phone because I was 'pinging' lol. I was given an injection that made me weak and quite lethargic. Then they wrote out a long list of medication I should take orally. I called my Mr and he came over smiling until he saw me surrounded by two nurses,  the chief Matron and a  consultant. The only bed space available that evening  was in the male ward. I was monitored right there on the chair and sent home at past midnight when I became 'stable' and instructed to return the next morning before taking any food, to run some blood tests to determine there aren't other underlying factors causing the escalated blood pressure.
I woke up the next day with absolutely no pains in my eye. No blurred visions! Absolutely nothing. I went back to the hospital, ran the tests and my results all came out very good. I was told I was very lucky to be alive, as people pass away with blood pressure not half as high as mine was. I was told I was extremely lucky to be alive. No brain hemorrhage, not even a partial stroke!  I was told that due to my family history , genetic factors play some role in my blood pressure issues. I was advised to make a few life style changes and I was put on medications, which I still take till this very day. My blood pressure varies between 120/80 and 130/80 up until December of 2015 when it went crazy again, after my heart was practically ripped out and turn in shreds. After speaking with the consultant, I excitedly told him how my eye pain had 'automagically" disappeared. He proceeded to explain to me how my eye issues had been caused by the escalated blood pressure. There was I thinking high blood pressure causes only kidney and heart  problems, unbeknownst to me it affects the eyes too!  I was told HBP can cause spots on the retina, bleeding at the back of the eye, damage of the macula and optic nerves and possibly blindness. HBP is the lead cause of stroke. I believe HBP is the cause of all those "He was OK o. He just slumped in the bathroom and died" stories we hear every time. His enemies didn't kill him!  It was HBP!!!  HBP is a very dangerous  diseases that is why it is referred to as 'the silent killer'. I now own a sphygmamometer but I have just been informed that the one I own(the home kit ones you wear on the wrist), might not be very accurate. So I will be getting the ones you wear on the arms ASAP. A word of advice to anyone reading this, please buy a sphygmamometer.  Endeavor to go for an overall check at the hospital monthly . I am still a work in process with my food choices as I have shamefully just eaten an extra large pack of salted peanuts as I was typing this. Most importantly, every single discomfort or pain in the body can be a symptom of an underlying illness. That neck pain might not be because you slept off on the couch. The pain on your arm might not be due to the fact that you hit your arm on the door post a few days ago. Always listen to your body. Unfortunately for me and a host of other people, HBP could be  asymptomatic. So, If I don't check my blood pressure I wouldn't know if it normal or gone over the roof,  as I wouldn't even have a tiny winy bit of headache. Stay alive and Barka de Sallah!!!

I AM THE DUCHESS.

Surrogacy - My take.

I have partaken in discussions with friends, family and even foes.  Discussions  that have raised questions with no answers forthcoming and caused my mind to wander farther than it should. One of these discussions concerns surrogacy and the views that it is sinful and simply wrong. I am not a medical doctor but the little I know is this - Surrogacy is when  another woman conceives and gives birth to a baby, for a couple who want a child.  Couples would usually opt for surrogacy due to infertility/inability to have children.  

How does surrogacy work? There is Gestational and Traditional surrogacy.   Gestational Surrogacy involves the implantation of an embryo created using either: the eggs and sperm of the intended parents, a donated egg fertilised with sperm from the intended father or an embryo created using donor eggs and sperm. 

While Traditional surrogacy involves sperm from the intended father and an egg from the surrogate. Here fertilisation is (usually) done by artificial insemination or intrauterine insemination. Now, I am totally in support of surrogacy and would encourage couples who have tried all other options and failed to conceive, to go for  it. Even though I honestly won't consider being a surrogate. I doubt I would be willing to give up a child I birth, regardless of the baby not having my DNA. There certainly would be an emotional bond between me and the foetus and I might just end up wanting to keep the baby and thereby causing the intending parents much more pain. 

I have been told that a married Christian  couple opting for surrogacy is wrong, sinful and unnatural/anti-nature. And I ask is having a heart transplant and a kidney transplant 'natural'? What of a face transplant after an accident that totally destroys the facial features? Are transplants natural? Still awaiting an  answer. "Surrogacy is just wrong! Children are gifts from God they are not our right, the Bible says so. If a couple can't have kids they should just leave it to God". And I ask yet again. Isn't Wealth is a gift from God? Not everybody will be wealthy. So why do you keep working and hoping and working towards acquiring  wealth? Why don't you just sit and relax and forget about money!? Abi is it your right to be wealthy"? No answers still... And then they say again " there was nothing like surrogacy in the Bible. Let us live according to the word". This one is  actually funny to me. When God slew Onan in Genesis chapter 38,what do you think that was about? Jacob bearing children with Zilpha on behalf of Leah his wife is what(Genesis 30:9)? Go and read Deuteronomy 25:5 also. Hope you also know that Sarah used Hagar as a surrogate when she and Abraham couldn't conceive. Then they say "Na wa for you O! All these events happened in the old testament naa". i agree but isn't the book of Mark new testament? Please read Mark 12:19. All the above mentioned people in the Bible were committing adultery and fornication but the type of surrogacy practiced today, nobody is having Intercourse or looking at another lustfully , so what exactly is the sin here? So Gulliana Rancic and her husband Bill have done a great wrong by using a surrogate, even though Gulliana was battling cancer, had a double mastectomy and dealing with the effects  of  chemotherapy?  I see absolutely nothing wrong in surrogacy or one deciding to be a surrogate. Most of the people who wouldn't support surrogacy have children of their own and I can bet they wouldn't be against it, if they didn't have kids and desired to. Somebody somewhere will be saying "OK, it is not a sin but it is unethical and morally wrong." and I ask morals as determined by what??? As a Christian the Bible determines what a sin is. I believe other religious books also state what they consider sin. The Constitution/determines what a crime/misdemeanor/simple offence is. Dos and donts  clearly stated. But please what determines immorality? If only people understood the kind of pain and torture couples who desire to have children and are unable to, pass through, they will just let them be. I respect the right of people to hold alternative views on issues such as surrogacy but I also expect them to bring forth evidence to prove that surrogacy is indeed sinful and wrong.  Cheers! 

I AM THE DUCHESS. 

Just because.....

I had a conversation with a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago and she was deeply  upset and angry her smart medical doctor brother had proposed to a fellow medical doctor whom he  had been dating since medical school. No, She wasn't angry her brother was getting married. she was angry because her brother's fiancee had a child. A child she conceived right after high school, as a naive young woman . My friend  was angry because according to her "after all the money spent on his education, he has decided to stoop low and bring shame on our family by marrying a single mother". I was in shock. Shocked because I couldn't believe that my friend whom I know has a lot more skeletons in her wardrobe,  than Atan cemetery Yaba , could be so judgemental of another.
Just because a woman had a child before marriage, doesn't mean she's been 'easy or loose'  or  has been in bed with every Obinna, Kunle and Lukmon and therefore unmarriagable and the next woman seen as a 'good girl' because there is no evidence or proof of her sexual activities and therefore she possess a thousand yards of 'wife material'.
Just because you have been able to keep your extra marital affairs secret,  doesn't mean you are better off than the man who was caught pants down with his mistress.
Just because your side chic decided to have an abortion and your wife never found out you had been fooling around , makes you no better than that man his side chic bore a child for.
Just because your were able to steal that designer bag from that shop, doesn't mean you are a 'slay queen'. you really shouldn't call your friend a cheapskate because she purchased her bag from a high Street store .
Just because you were involved in that sham marriage and got a 'blue passport',  doesn't mean you aren't as dodgy(even a whole lot dodgier!) as that your friend who is working illegally.
Just because you drive that limited edition SUV you forcefully collected from your late brother's wife, doesn't make you any better than that armed robber whom snatches cars from his helpless victims.
Just because you bagged a second class upper after sleeping with your lecturers, the Dean of your faculty and even the Vice Chancellor, doesn't mean you should be rubbing it the face of that your friend who finished University with a 'let my people go' result .
Just because you decided to be a weakling and stay with your spouse who physically and emotionally abuses you and has knocked out eight of your teeth, even though you tell anyone who cares to listen you had an accident along Lagos/Ibadan expressway and she decides to separate from her spouse whom has abused her likewise, you label her a 'failed woman' .
Please show me one who is perfect? Before you start mouthing off about how you have never done this and would never do that and can't even imagine it, just know that you have at one point done something that would have made someone somewhere cringe and pass out at the mere thought of it. Oh really!  You have never done anything you shouldn't have done? For real?! Let's hope it stays that way for the rest of your life ☺.....  Just because your secrets remain secret and no one knows your atrocities(just yet!), it actually doesn't make you any better. kindly be mindful of how you react in every given situation. Be mindful of what you say to people who are caught up in unpleasant situations.

Feel free to think about it and even laugh and judge and mock about their situation, in your head . Let your sanctimonious thoughts remain in your head! And while you're at it though, look at your reflection in a full length mirror and remember  that one thing no one saw you do. Yes, all those things no one except you knows you did. Gracefully  put those yours secrets, your sins and your embarrassing shortcomings at the very top of that your 'terrible, sinful, disgraceful mortals' list . Just because, you might have to chew your words and bite your tongue someday....

I AM THE DUCHESS. 

Hnm hnm! Exactly what you read. It is NOT a figment of your imagination. Lol

I have always doubted that there are actually any tomatoes in tomato paste / pureed tomatoes in a can. Due to my doubts, I hardly ever use canned tomato paste to make  meals. Also, I find that fresh tomatoes and fresh vegetables in general always taste a whole lot better than the packaged ones you find on supermarket shelves and I also know they are healthier to ingest,  since they have no presevertives or artificial additives. Let's hope no harmful chemicals were  used as fertilizers  when planting...I was buying a few things at the grocery store this afternoon, and I found this! The name of this tomato paste had me laughing my heart out, I just had to buy a can! Use it, I shall!!!! I will let you all know if my meal tasted 'heavenly'.  Lol

I AM THE DUCHESS.

So much to be thankful for!

I woke up today at about a few minutes past 5 am. I actually wake up every day at a few minutes past 5am. It wouldn't  matter if I had gone to bed at 2am, and had just 3 hours of sleep, I will always be up at that time. Today, I woke up with nothing but gratitude in my heart. I woke up thankful. I woke up happy. In the midst of the pain,sorrow,poverty,wars,sadness, madness,sickness and all other earthly 'discomforts' too numerous to mention,  I humbly say THANK YOU GOD! I'm alive and most importantly I am healthy and that's just perfect for me!  You aren't ill right? You haven't been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Have you? Your only worries right now are you have bread but no butter to spread on!?  Be THANKFUL!  On the 13th of May last year, my best friend decided to celebrate her birthday with in-patients at a government owned hospital. It wasn't my first time going to a hospital, but I never knew pain like that existed up until the 13th of May 2015. I met people who had spent months in the hospital because they couldn't afford to pay an amount of money I would have considered  meagre and probably spent buying something unnecessary. I met people whom their families had abandoned because they were terminally Ill and their families couldn't cope with the emotional and financial burdens any longer. I even met people who had no family! I kept thinking  "How? How possible is that? How can someone have no family to call on?",but that was their reality. Just because I have shoulders to lean on and cry on whenever I desire, doesn't mean everybody has same. I met a woman whom three of her daughters had meningitis and she couldn't afford to continue buying the expensive medications that were being administered. I met a double amputee who couldn't stop crying because he had five young children to take care of and his wife had passed on a few months before he had  the accident that led to his amputations. He kept murmuring "where will I start? Where will I start?" . I met a man who had become 'hospital property'. Even the matron in charge of his ward wasn't sure anymore when he became an in-patient. We spent the least time at the neonatal ward. That ward left us crying just like the babies in there. It was very difficult to watch.....My friend (God bless her heart!),distributed money round the wards, settled some patients  outstanding  bills and we said a prayer for all... I went home a different  woman. I stopped complaining. I stopped being ungrateful. I changed. I became thankful! So, waking up healthy and happy inspite of all worrisome happenings around me, yet again I say THANK YOU GOD!  You don't believe there is a God? Then say 'THANK YOU' to whatever it is you believe in. You don't believe in anything? Then say 'THANK YOU'  to the wind, to the earth, to the universe! Just look to the skies and say 'THANK YOU!' .... Say 'THANK YOU' in your heart, for there is indeed so much to be thankful for!

I AM THE DUCHESS.

Hello world! I AM THE DUCHESS.

Hello world! This is my very first post on my blog ☺. Friends and family have been encouraging me to set up a blog and I kept putting it off. Today, I woke up and thought to myself "the time has come. Let's do this!". So here I am! I sincerely hope you all enjoy reading and responding. A lot of my personal experiences(I always talk about my experiences. After all, only me knows 'ME' 100%. Right!? ) and real life experiences of other people will be featured on here.  There  may be news(yes! MAY. I am tired of all the depressing news in the world), family life, relationship/marriage, life and living and all other exciting things.  I sure can't guarantee you happiness but I can bet you will have fun here! Happy reading. Cheers  ☺☺☺

I AM THE DUCHESS.